Letters

I found these, ELVISS SIMMONS, is like a babi from Gene with Elvis. Sound excelent. Welcome to the home of the live comedy/tribute act "Elviss Simmons and the Memphis Strutters". The band leader, Elviss Simmons, is the product of a night of ill-advised celebrity genetic experimentation by a group of drunken renegade genetic engineers. The cloning process left young Elviss with an unfortunate birthmark on his face that looks alarmingly like Gene Simmons' make-up. His other "daddy" left him with hair that spontaneously forms itself into a permanent pompadour. This distinctive appearance made it nigh-impossible for young Elviss to get (much less hold) a normal job, so he took the only paths left open: rock stardom and tech support. Frankly, he wasn't bright enough for tech support, so now he's your problem. Onstage, Elviss is neither smart nor perceptive, but has an ego that fills the room. Ergo, he has no idea that his band actively despise him giving rise to highly entertaining on-stage antics. The band mercilessly abuse Elviss and he remains gloriously oblivious. Meta: Please don't spoil the joke by telling him. Don't worry. Elviss won't read this. The management put together a separate web site just for him. Besides, he's not much of a reader. As Elviss likes to say, "If the internet has a use besides clown porn, I don't want to know about it." Elviss' backing band, "The Memphis Strutters", is composed of a rhythm section (guitar, drums and stand-up bass), a horn section (tenor sax, baritone sax and two trumpets), and a trio of female backing singers. The music is as much a train wreck as Elviss himself: rockabilly lounge versions of Kiss songs and heavy guitar versions of classic Elvis songs. In a nutshell, it's a Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love Gun.